Love Is Life that Pours Itself Forth

October 27, 2023/0 Comments/in Catholic Writing and Publishing, Love, Spiritual Life/by Rick Clements

Love Is Life that Pours Itself Forth¹

Why must the path of self-giving love also be the path of the cross? Can’t we be loving people without having to travel the way of the cross? No, we can’t. At least, we can’t be the deeply loving people that God has called us to be (Mt 16:24; Mk 8:34; Lk 9:23). Because we were created to share in the divine love, we’re called to learn to love as God loves. And that means being willing to break ourselves open and pour ourselves out in love for God and our fellow human beings, just as Jesus did on the cross. And that requires busting some holes in the walls that we have all built around our egos, the walls that get in the way of love: walls of pride, and self-protection, and self-pity, and fear, and prejudice, and hatred, and anger, and . . . the list goes on and on.

Sacrifices made for the sake of the beloved and suffering undergone for the sake of the beloved help to punch holes in those walls we’ve built around our egos, holes that allow the divine love to flow into us more freely and to then flow back out of us to God and neighbor. Self-sacrifice and suffering for the sake of others help us break out of the self-imposed dungeons of our egos and join more fully in the eternal circulation of love. That’s why sacrifice and suffering turn out to be required courses in the school of love. That’s why we all have to be willing to walk the way of the cross. Yes, it can be painful (sometimes, very painful) to open ourselves up to love, to open ourselves up to self-sacrifice and suffering for the sake of love. But doing so also turns out to be immensely fulfilling, even joyful. We are most fully alive when we are most fully breaking ourselves open and pouring ourselves out in loving self-gift to God and neighbor, for it is precisely then that we participate most fully in the superabundant, overflowing love and life of God.

[i] Hans Urs von Balthasar, Heart of the World. San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1979, p 25.

This article is an excerpt from Rick’s latest book, The Book of Love: Brief Meditations.

Photo by Henrique Jacob on Unsplash

With God, You Can Handle Anything

October 20, 2023/0 Comments/in Catholic Writing and Publishing, Faith, Inspirational, non-fiction, Prayer, Spiritual Life/by Kimberly Novak

With God, You Can Handle Anything

I had the gift of an extra-fruitful spiritual direction session not too long ago. I usually keep the details of the conversations between me, the director, and God. However, there are moments where sharing my experience may benefit others, and this is one of those times.
I cannot recall the topic we were discussing when my director began to share a story about a three-handled coffee mug. She told me when she presented this thought exercise to others in the past, they became overwhelmed and anxious at the thought of how to hold it or use it. As I began to imagine it in my mind, I was intrigued and excited all at the same time. When my spiritual director asked how the three handled mug made me feel, I couldn’t help but share that I saw the persons of the Trinity—a handle for Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

While imagining this mug, the emotions of anxiety and stress never entered my mind. I felt peace knowing I was in good company. I had actually hoped there might be a fourth handle on which to place my own hand. I began to consider all of the times in my life when I needed the power of God to move mountains. That handy coffee mug would be a reminder that both all things are possible with God and that I am not alone.

I also related to why having a cup with that many handles would confuse some. I considered times when I felt pulled in multiple directions and how difficult it is to anchor myself in one place. I believe that worry is the thief of joy, and I consider anxiety the brother of worry. Don’t get me wrong, there are many times when my mind wants to let fear win, but my prayer experience reminds me that I am not supposed to tackle life alone. God is in it with me.

Thinking back on that session, I laugh at how surprised my director was by my response. I was the only person she had encountered who wanted a three-handled mug and the strength it would give me.

In their book called Personal Prayer: A Guide for Receiving the Father’s Love, Fr. Boniface Hicks, OSB and Fr. Thomas Acklin, OSB brought up the topic of anxiety as a gift from God. When we experience anxiety, it comes in the form of a felt emotion. Usually, it sends off an alarm that something needs to be corrected. We can take this signal and consider it a direct alert from God, letting us know that we want to take control. Then we can bring it to God and surrender the situation to Him. How wonderful it is that we can go to God for help, and what a powerful image it is to imagine our hand, with the Trinity, banding together as one to accomplish anything.

A month after this session, I still could not get the image of the three-handled cup from my mind. I had an unquenchable longing to hold one and imagine God’s hands along with mine, having a conversation over a cup of coffee. I finally allowed the urge to win out, consulted the internet, landed on eBay, and a week later I clutched my three-handled mug. The cup is hand-made pottery, with a bumpy texture. The sentimental type I am, I can imagine the hands of the person who created it. I slide my fingertip across the initials scratched into the bottom, too blurred to make out. A reminder of my imperfections and the faithfulness of God. The space where the handles joined the cup reveals finger swipes, merging the clay. A prayerful moment brings me peace in connecting with another person who loved that cup while combining myself with the persons of the Trinity.

I’ve prayed with the cup only a couple of times, and depending on what I fill it with, there may be a heaviness to it, or it remains light. I have also filled it with feelings, concerns, and prayers. Imaginative prayer is not for everyone, but if it connects you to God, go for it. In my days, when life gets so heavy I need to unload, I place my hands alongside the persons of the Trinity and lift my cup to the heavens. I may not be able to handle things independently, but I can do all things with God.

Book Review: Putting Joy into Practice by Phoebe Farag Mikhail

October 11, 2023/0 Comments/in Book Review, Catholic Theme, Inspirational, Spiritual Life/by Mary McWilliams

Book Review: Putting Joy into Practice by Phoebe Farag Mikhail

One of the appeals of the Phoebe Farag Mikhail book, Putting Joy into Practice: Seven Ways to Lift Your Spirit from the Early Church (Paraclete Press), is the author’s conversational tone in which she addresses forms of prayer. With the 2023 release of the audio version, the listener hears the author pull from her own experiences and those of others who work ceaselessly through difficulties, drudgeries, and triumphs to achieve the peace and elation that come only from an intimate relationship with God regardless of the circumstances. Like a caring friend who sits you down with a cup of tea and tells you what you need to hear, and not what you want to hear, she invites you to come along on this journey to an elation that supports us in this life and leads us to the next.

Achieving joy may initially sound easy, but it is not, the author admits. How does a grieving woman find comfort after the tragic death of her sister? When does a harried mother find rest after the city sewage leaks into her basement office and playroom? Why would a nation express jubilation over the beheadings of their own countrymen? It is found only through the embrace of the Resurrection and achieved with faith and persistence in the seven practices Mikhail describes: praying the hours, visiting the sick, repentance, thanks, hospitality, arrow prayers (short, spontaneous prayers in times of need), and songs of praise. First published in 2019, the book took five years to write in part because of the difficulties author faced and her desire to tell the story honestly. “Unlike me, my mother has a naturally joyous personality,” confesses Mikhail, the daughter and wife of Coptic Orthodox priests (p. 32).

She expresses awareness of the way modern culture offers immediate, superficial comforts in diets, technology and other fads and robs us of a more profound life. “For many disappointed young people, the stress of finding or following a passion creates impatience with the boring work of persistent practice that leads to mastery, and they experience failure and false starts … “ (page 24).

She differentiates joy from happiness. “For a long time, I confused joy with happiness, and sometimes pleasure,” she explains (page 14). “Easter means Resurrection, but it also once meant chocolate, cheese, chicken―everything I couldn’t eat during the Great Lent. Those are pleasures, but they don’t bring joy.”

She would like to help people pursue the better path. Shiny trinkets now or eternal life later? It’s a choice and a bumpy passage. The flow of the book and pace of the audio, combined with the author’s careful voicing clearly helps the listener transition through chapters move along to find his or her own way. Mikhail’s story is told from the perspective of her Egyptian Coptic faith which makes it unique and nuanced, even for Roman Catholics. That is where the seven methods come in which are common throughout Christian denominations. Mastering them bring us closer to Christ, which fulfills the ultimate joy. The compact volume (166 pages, excluding notes) and the audio, which runs 4 ½ hours, are so filled with stories and suggestions that each version supports the other. The listing of Arrow Prayers on pages 136-137 makes a quick reference. But the audio allows listeners to hear the author, in her pleasant and natural voice, sing songs of praise in the related chapter, a quality the reader misses.

She connects prayer and community with Christ and, with each chapter, Mikhail grips the reader/listener with a thought-provoking opening. How will she take the story of a desert monk and turn it into a lesson about visiting the sick? What does astronomy have to do with singing praise? Practice Four begins, “I never thought a suicide bombing would teach me the true meaning of thanksgiving―until April 19, 2017.” (pg. 84) She addresses basic questions like what is joy and why is it so hard? She refers to “joy thieves,” which seek to steal our joy. Here she spends time on the seven deadly sins. The author provides an abundance of sources that quote from an array of disciplines and philosophers, including ancient texts, modern psychology, CS Lewis, St. Augustine, and the Dalai Lama.

Putting Joy into Practice, while covering a profound and mysterious topic, is both an easy read and listen, thanks to the author’s style. Whether paging through in comfort at home or putting the advice to the test while listening in the car during rush hour, Phoebe Farag Mikhail offers friendly spiritual guidance that, for more than 2000 years has served many, from ancient desert fathers meditating on God’s wisdom to modern men and women desiring to grow their lives with God and one another.

Copyright 2023 Mary McWilliams
Feature Image by Jill Wellington: https://www.pexels.com/photo/lady-in-beach-silhouette-during-daytime-photography-40192/

Giving Back to the Giver

September 22, 2023/0 Comments/in Catholic Writing and Publishing, Faith, Love, Spiritual Life/by Rick Clements

Giving Back to the Giver

We tend to think of our lives as entirely our own, to do with completely as we please, but they’re not. Our lives are a total gift from God, given to us out of God’s love for us, out of God’s desire to share his life with us. “Already to exist is a work of love!”[1] The fact that you’re here, that you’re alive, is, in itself, a sign of God’s love for you. You didn’t have to exist; innumerable others could have existed in your place. But God chose you. God chose to give you the gift of life, to offer you a share in the divine life. God chose you for a unique place within the Body of Christ. God chose you for a unique mission of love within the Body of Christ, a mission that no one else can fulfill.

Surrendering your life to God is then, in reality, merely offering back to God, in gratitude, the gift that you have already been given. Surrendering your life to God is an acknowledgment of that gift, and an offer to allow God to use your life in whatever way God wills for the good of the rest of the Body of Christ. To surrender your life to God is to offer yourself as a channel, a conduit, for the divine love.

Surrendering your life and your heart to God can begin right now, today, with a simple prayer. Maybe something like the following, or something similar, expressed in your own words:

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of my life. I give my life back to you in love and gratitude for that gift. Do with my life as you will. Use me as your instrument in the world. Help me to see and fulfill the mission of love you have planned for me.

Learning to completely surrender our lives and our hearts to God is actually a lifelong process. We may sometimes feel the gravitational pull of our egos, seeking to draw us back into our old self-centered ways, away from God and our mission of love. That’s why it’s good to pray some version of this prayer of surrender on a regular basis: as a repeated expression of our love for God, as an ongoing request for God’s guidance and grace, and as a reminder to ourselves of the commitment that we have made to God and to our God-given mission.

[1] Hans Urs von Balthasar, Heart of the World. Translated by Erasmo S. Leiva. San Francisco: Ignatius, 1979, 26-27.

* This article is an excerpt from Rick’s latest book, The Book of Love: Brief Meditations (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BVSXX6P9/)

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

A Move Yet Still Home

September 8, 2023/1 Comment/in Faith, Family Life, Hope, My Road Goes Ever On, Purification, Spiritual Life/by Maria Riley

A Move Yet Still Home

Last spring, I moved with my family to Kansas, which is my ninth lifetime state (I also studied abroad and lived in London for four months, so if you count that, I’m in the double digits). Only recently did I begin to appreciate the blessing that being Catholic truly is.

Like most cradle Catholics, I’ve always had God in my life. Growing up, weekly Mass and CCD were omnipresent. As we’ve grown our own family, those same traditions have persisted. Regardless which state or city we moved to, a Catholic parish and the True Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist was always available.

Prior to this move, we lived in Florida, and our parish there was something special. Not only were we close enough to walk or bike ride to Mass, but that parish felt alive in a special way. The list of ministries was lengthy, and there were always events or service projects we could be a part of. I volunteered with faith formation, participated in the moms’ ministry, Walking with Purpose, and Bible study. There were monthly socials after a daily Mass, quarterly family events after the Youth and Family Mass (where kids served as ushers and lectors), and no shortage of friendly conversations in the parking lot. To say we loved this family-friendly parish would be an understatement.

When the news came that we were moving to Kansas for my husband’s new job, my heart sank knowing we had to leave our parish. It really had become a second home for us. I knew we wouldn’t find a parish like that in Kansas. I had lived in seven other states in my life, and that parish is unique.

My husband and I traveled to Kansas for a weekend to get to know the area and do some house hunting, and we visited the local Catholic Church for Sunday Mass. My heart was hardened before I walked into the sanctuary. I simply knew it wouldn’t be as good as our old parish.

I looked around and proceeded to judge everything. The tabernacle wasn’t prominent enough. The crucifix was too small. The choir performed instead of inviting us to participate. The priest was old and unenthusiastic. Everything I saw I disliked, and I wanted to be back in Florida.

Then the homily began. I don’t remember the readings for that Sunday, nor do I remember the beginning of the homily. What I do know is that God spoke directly to me that day through his faithful servant’s words.

He reminded us that we don’t come to Mass every week because of the priest or the social time. We come because Jesus meets us here, body, blood, soul, and divinity in the Eucharist. No matter which church we are in, he comes to us there.

Bam. My hardened heart softened. I was struck, and instantly humbled at my own arrogance and pride. Tears flowed down my face as I really let Jesus into my heart. Jesus reminded me that I’m there for him. Not the priest, not the building, and not the socialization. It doesn’t matter which parish I belong to, because Jesus is there for me, and I come to meet him. That’s all that matters.

I looked back on all the states and all the parishes and finally fully appreciated the gift I have in the Catholic Church. While I do still miss my old friends and the community of the parish in Florida, my heart remains grateful for his presence that I’m able to receive, regardless of where I live.

Maria Riley 2023

To sin, or NOT to Sin. That Is the Question.

September 1, 2023/0 Comments/in Inspirational, Spiritual Life/by Ben Bongers

To Sin, or NOT to Sin. That Is the Question.

The philosophy Jesus gives us in Matthew 18 is, “Three strikes—you’re out!” (That is until you’re ready to reconcile.) If someone sins against you, you should 1) speak with them alone, 2) then with another from the church (community), and finally 3) with the whole church.

So, what is “sin”?

Sin comes from the Greek word Hamartia, which means “to miss the mark or target,” as in missing a target in archery. So, how do we come back from “missing the mark”? By seeing you missed, admitting you need to practice the shot, then changing your technique until you get it right. The key here is 1) seeing, 2) admitting, and 3) changing. This is reconciliation. Reconciling or doing what it takes to hit the mark and be reunited into a community.

We humans have a terrible habit of glossing over or not wanting to admit seeing the lead-up to the evil act, then jumping on the sin as if it came out of nowhere. We justify, “It’s okay if I do it just this once …” or “Maybe it’s time to walk on the wild side?” or “If I don’t admit the problem, maybe it’ll go away.” That’s like refusing to train your puppy to give a sign when it needs to go outside, then being upset when the poor pooch does its business on your carpet!

So, is sin only a personal issue, or can groups or communities sin?

I’ll admit it: I admire some practices of the other Abrahamic religions—Judaism and Islam. The Jews have Yom Kippur, or the “Day of Atonement,” where they as a people quite literally beg God for atonement and reconciliation from sin as a people for their collective sin. And Muslims have Ramadan, where they detach from worldly pleasures and focus on one’s inner self, performing good deeds to atone for any collective sin they, as a people, have committed.

In contrast, we Catholics have a personal sacrament—Reconciliation—but not a communal one, one that would allow us to atone and reconcile as a Faith or community.

Am I my brother’s (or sister’s) keeper?

Sin doesn’t just happen! There are signs that lead up to the big sin event—signs we need to become aware. Paul essentially tells us in Romans 13 that sin is any action that doesn’t show love for another—putting your own good first.

We ARE responsible for helping others do the right thing, keeping them on the right path, helping them to grow their conscience, according to Ezekiel 33. In this case, WE are the “Watchmen” for doing the right thing. Who wouldn’t correct a child if they were going to touch a hot stove or throw a rock through the neighbor’s window? How is it any different when we see people in our community, our city, or our nation not doing the loving thing for another?

Is pointing out sinful acts scary? It can be. Is it risky? It can be. Remember, Jesus never promised it would be easy! So, is it my job to be “my brother’s or sister’s keeper”?

Well, I think you know the answer to that.

Hand It Over

August 25, 2023/2 Comments/in Catholic Writing and Publishing, Love, Spiritual Life/by Rick Clements

Hand It Over

To give the gift of self to God in love is to entrust our lives to God, to hand our lives completely over to God. Unfortunately, many of us find this to be rather difficult to do. If God has given us the gift of himself, the gift of his heart, in Jesus Christ, why are we so reluctant to respond with our own gift of self in return? There can, of course, be many reasons, but one of the main reasons is control. We want to be in control of our lives. But to give the gift of self in love requires that we give up some of that control. In fact, we have to be willing to surrender ourselves to the beloved.

Admittedly, the concept of “surrender” often carries with it some negative connotations—connotations like defeat, failure, weakness, etc. But nothing could be further from the truth when it comes to “surrender” in the context of love. Loving self-surrender is a sign of strength, not weakness. Loving self-surrender is actually the ultimate exercise of one’s power over one’s own life. Which requires more strength: to cling to one’s ego throughout a life lived in the self-centered pursuit of pleasure, power, status, etc., or to give one’s self away in love? As André Gide once observed, “Complete possession is proved only by giving. All you are unable to give possesses you.” To cling to one’s self is to be enslaved to the self, to be at the mercy of the self’s whims and desires, to be imprisoned within the walls of one’s ego. In contrast, to give one’s self away in love is, paradoxically, to be in full possession of one’s self, breaking out of the dungeon of the ego and into the infinite spaces of the divine love.

Still, the prospect of giving oneself away in love to another, even to God (and for some of us, especially to God), can be frightening for many of us. What would God do with my heart? What would God demand of me? What would my life be like if I handed myself over to God?

Well, in a word…better. Surrendering your heart to God makes your life better because surrendering your heart to God aligns you with the purpose for which you were made. You were made for union with God and your fellow human beings. You were made to share in the divine life of love forever. But to be able to flow within the Body of Christ, you have to be willing to let go of some control over your life. You have to be willing to let go and love. You have to be willing to hand your life over to God.

* This article is an excerpt from Rick’s latest book, The Book of Love: Brief Meditations

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

The Power of a Heartfelt Prayer

August 18, 2023/0 Comments/in Faith, Hope, Inspirational, Prayer, Spiritual Life/by Kimberly Novak

The Power of a Heartfelt Prayer

As a spiritual director, I know the power a prayer can harness. All types of prayer, ranging from prayers of the heart, spontaneous prayers, and those prayed over a group, when prayed with a heart of faith, pack the same punch.

Shortly after becoming a spiritual director, a woman diagnosed with a terminal illness reached out for assistance. At the time, she wanted to rekindle her walk with God and face the imminent future with a heart of faith. During the looming diagnosis, we talked about her relationship with God through the years and how important it was at this particular time. Our sessions were sometimes difficult for both of us, especially as the diagnosis timeframe was ticking away. When we first met, I wondered why God had given me such a difficult assignment so quickly after graduation. I didn’t feel confident enough in what I was doing. However, I was more than willing to allow the Spirit to take over all of my senses in the hopes of being guided. When the words became difficult, we prayed silently in the company of one another. On days when panic, fear, and anger were present, we went against one of the rules of how a spiritual director should behave, and allowed the occasional hug to comfort us both.

In preparation for one of our sessions, I began to write a prayer specifically for this woman. I intended to share it with some prayer warriors and give a copy to the woman so she could share it with friends, family, and those at church. To write this prayer, I researched other prayers that contained scripture for healing and miracles. Once I had a handful of ideas, I placed them all together and moved them around until I felt like I had the perfect structure. On the first read-through, the prayer felt right. It flowed gently and got right to the point.

I wanted to help this woman in any way I could, and being a strong proponent that you can pray away anything in life, I was determined to do just that. After all, I had nothing to lose and the power of God’s love to gain.

Not long after I presented the prayer and began lifting the need daily to God, I received a note that her recent tests showed all evidence of the illness gone. I firmly believe that the power in this prayer offered in true faith “prayed away” the sickness. I offered gratitude to our Heavenly Physician and tucked the prayer into my bible for safekeeping.

Years passed before another situation surfaced, requiring powerful prayer for a friend’s spouse. I shared the prayer with the family and began praying daily. It was not two weeks before I received news that the fatal diagnosis was an error. Perhaps, aligned with God’s Will, we prayed it away.

In more recent months, a family member received news of an illness and without hesitation, I began the healing prayer.

As I reflected on these instances, I wondered why I was keeping this powerful prayer a secret all this time. I had offered it to those involved who needed the healing work of our Father, but past that, the prayer remained in my bible. Today, I know in my heart that the prayer was written with the leading of the Spirit, and I am called to share it with as many as I can.
I offer this healing prayer so you can enlist your prayer army and in the hopes of aligning with God’s Will, pray away the difficulties life sometimes dishes out. As you pray, replace N. with the name of the person for whom you are praying.

God’s word says the prayer of faith shall heal the sick. I come to you, God, in faith and ask that You heal N. from sickness. Jesus, I want Your word to penetrate the depths of N.’s heart. Thank you that Your word brings life and healing to N.’s whole body. Jesus, I ask that you open N. up today to Your blessings, healing, and miracles. Let all worries leave his/her heart. I know you are a God who cares, who loves N. deeply, and will never let him/her go. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.

Fall into Pieces or Peace in a Storm?

August 4, 2023/0 Comments/in Devotionals, Elijah, Hope, Spiritual Life/by Ben Bongers

Fall into Pieces or Peace in a Storm?

When you face the storms of life, which do you cling to—pieces or peace? We’re all going to face adversity—life’s storms and earthquakes: illness, being “the other,” not fitting in… But how are you going to react? Fall to pieces? Or slide into peace?

Two stories come to mind.

Elijah was on the run. He’d wiped out all the false prophets of Jezebel, the queen of the land, and she was out for blood—his blood. Elijah realized he was doomed and ran for the desert. No one on earth could save him, so he laid down and prayed for death.

Fast forward.

Forty days later, Elijah was in a cave when God asked him, “What are you doing here? Go stand on the mountain [don’t hide in a cave] and watch me pass by.” Elijah saw all the worst things of life go by: wind, tornadoes, lightning, storms, earthquakes, fires. But God wasn’t in them. No. It wasn’t until Elijah heard the quiet, peace-filled, almost inner whisper and focused on it, that he realized he was in the presence of God.

Jump to the New Testament and Jesus walking on water. Jesus had faced a very long day. He had preached to thousands, fed them with only five loaves and two fish, healed them, expelled demons, and was pooped by the end of it! He sent his followers across the water to the next port of call while he recharged his batteries by praying alone. The disciples, like Elijah, grumpily faced great winds, storms, and lightning. Then, they saw Jesus, as if a ghost, walking perfectly calm on the water toward them, saying, “Don’t be afraid.”

Peter, pure reactionist, challenges Jesus and asks to join Him. Jesus calmly says, “Come.” Peter, now focused on Jesus, does exactly that. He hops out of the boat, not thinking, just reacting to Jesus’s call, and begins to walk on the water. When Peter’s focus on Jesus wanes, the storm, the lightning, the wind, and the inconceivable fact that he was walking on water overtake Peter, and he begins to sink back into his perceived reality, the crashing waves of unimportant things.

These stories are perfect for you and me today! What wind, storms, lightning, earthquakes, and fires do we face every day? Deadlines, family drama, self-made situations that eat our brains and spirits? People who “have it in for us.” Knowing “I should do this and that, but I just don’t feel like it.” Noticing a lump, discoloration on your skin, or little aches and pains you didn’t have before. These are the things we allow to take away our focus on what’s important. Listening to God’s whisper, listening to Jesus’s “Come.”

What did Elijah and Jesus do? They found time alone. They took time to pray, be quiet, and be alone with God. What did God do? He replied, “Be not afraid. I’m here. I got you. Now get outta the boat, focus on me… and walk on water!”

So, what will you choose? To fall to pieces or to find peace? The choice is yours.

The Greatest Gift

July 28, 2023/0 Comments/in Catholic Writing and Publishing, Family Life, Love, Spiritual Life/by Rick Clements

The Greatest Gift

We live in an age when there are a lot of misconceptions about love. Some people seem to think that love is primarily about emotion, about warm feelings toward another person. And it’s no wonder that they think that, when so many contemporary novels, songs, movies, and TV shows tend to portray love in this way. In contrast to these popular depictions of love, Hans Urs von Balthasar, the brilliant Roman Catholic theologian from Switzerland, offers us a far more demanding (but also far more fulfilling) definition of love: Love is the selfless gift of self, given and received.

The gift of self: if you’re married, that’s what your spouse wants from you: your spouse wants you; your self; your heart. Ideally, your spouse reciprocates your gift of self with his or her own gift of self to you. If that’s not where your relationship is at right now, make a change. No, don’t change spouses. Change the way you’re treating your spouse, and watch how those changes can improve and strengthen your marriage. Make a genuine effort to be more giving, more generous, more sacrificial, for your spouse’s sake. Hopefully, sooner or later (hang in there if it takes a while), they’ll notice the change in you, and they’ll become more willing to reciprocate with their own sacrificial gift of self. Be the change you want to see in your marriage instead of just wishing for a better relationship, and you can help bring about that change.

The gift of self: if you have children, that’s what your children want from you, too: you; your self; your heart. Of course, your children want and need many other things from you: food, clothing, shelter, education, etc. But what your children most need from you is…you. That’s why it’s so important that you spend as much time as possible with your kids while they’re growing up. It’s a cliché, but it’s true: you never get the years of their childhood back, so make the most of them while you can. Your kids need as much of your time and attention as you can give them. They want to get to know you (at least until they’re teenagers, when they may think they have you all figured out already anyway), and they want you to get to know them. When your young child excitedly asks you to look at the picture he or she just drew, they’re not just looking to share a picture; they’re trying to share themselves – their talents, their interests, etc. They’re not looking for just a nod and a perfunctory “That’s nice”. Yes, they’re looking for your affirmation and your approval, but they’re also looking to connect with you. They want you to take a genuine interest in their work, and thereby, an interest in them. Put the cell phone down and really look at the drawing (and at your child!). Give them the chance to talk about what they drew, why they drew it, etc., because that gives them the chance to tell you about themselves, to share themselves with you. It’s one of the ways they’re trying to tell you they love you. By giving them your undivided attention and by taking a real interest in the picture they’re trying to share with you, you’re not only opening yourself up to receive the gift of self your child is offering you; you’re also giving them the gift of your own self in return.

The gift of self: if you’re a human being, that’s what God wants from you. God wants you; your self; your heart. And God doesn’t ask for anything that he hasn’t already given. Jesus Christ is God’s self-gift to the world. God wants to be united with each of us forever. We were created for union, union with God and our fellow human beings. The Son of God became one of us to make that union possible. Jesus is God’s gift of his heart to the world, the gift of his heart to each and every one of us. And God’s hope is that we will respond to his gift of self with our own gift of self in return.

* This article is an excerpt from Rick’s latest book, The Book of Love: Brief Meditations (https://enroutebooksandmedia.com/thebookoflove/)

Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash