Last year, I could not do it. This year I did.

In the Catholic Church, the month of November begins with two consecutive liturgies that honor our beloved dead, The Solemnity of All Saints and the Commemoration of All Souls.

We always hope that departed family members and friends might be celebrating the first feast with us, already among the saints in heaven. We trust that our prayers will help to console and sustain any loved ones who might, this year, still remain in purgatory.

It takes most people a long time to establish their ‘new normal’ after a family member’s or close friend’s death.

In my parish, one of these opportunities is a Mass of Remembrance offered each year on the Saturday morning before All Saints Day. A candle is provided for each family to place around the altar when their loved one’s name is proclaimed, and these candles are lit for each mass through the month of November

Last year, the 2024 Mass of Remembrance was scheduled just ten days after my husband’s funeral. With a sincere intention, I had placed his name on the list.

But when that Saturday morning arrived, I found myself still too exhausted from his sudden, unexpected death, the need to transport his remains from another state, and managing to stay functional — with help from close family and friends — for the funeral.

Last year, another dear friend stepped up to carry Charles’ Mass of Remembrance candle for me. This year I was able to carry it myself.

***

Beyond Catholic parishes’ roles in helping to organize funeral liturgies and hospitality, many also offer valuable longer-term support options, to help families survive devastating grief and manage the psychological challenges that always accompany any great loss.

We are all unique creations of God, and every person’s grief process is unique. So, I want to briefly share two more long-term support options offered by the grief ministry in my parish.

What has served me best might not be right for you. Likewise, parts of these programs that did not most resonate with me, might be just right for you.

I include them here because I believe they offer a range of valuable options to meet a variety of needs for different mourners.

The first is a year-long series of booklets, +/- 40 pp. each, written by Kenneth C. Hauck and published by Stephen Ministries in 2004. Entitled  A Time to Grieve, Experiencing Grief, Finding Hope and Healing, and Rebuilding and Remembering. These were mailed to me quarterly after my late husband’s funeral, as gifts from my parish.

Because I am an introverted person who normally reads and writes alone, I appreciated the freedom to digest these words of wisdom privately, and on my own schedule. The quarterly mailing time frame felt just right, too.

For those who feel more enthusiastic than I do about watching videos and participating in weekly discussion groups, another excellent support option offered by my parish is titled Grieving with Great Hope.

This program includes a series of videos, and small discussion groups with fellow mourners from your own parish. Ordinarily, those who join this program are in closely similar time periods after a loss.

The program includes a journal published by John and Sandy O’Shaughnessy, with Contributing Writer Fr. John Riccardo, as part of Good Mourning Ministry, Inc.

Of the resources offered by this ministry, I’ve personally found silent meditation and private writing, with the suggested journal

reflections, to be the most helpful. But I have also witnessed the benefits gleaned by others, from watching the videos and participating in discussion groups.

***

At the Mass of Remembrance on October 25, 2025, my deceased husband’s date of passing was the longest elapsed. I had been prepared beforehand, by our deacon’s gentle and compassionate wife, to hear his name called first and to face the empty altar alone.

As I bowed before the altar I tried to discern, among all the candle holders so lovingly arranged, where might be Charles’ place. The Holy Spirit led me to a place on the side by my accustomed pew, when I sing with the funeral choir, near the altar and close under the crucifix.

While a total of almost forty names were called, I prayed for each soul, and watched each family approach the deacon to receive their candles.

Charles’ light had to hold his mountain alone, for a long time. I began to wonder, who will God send, to occupy that spot beside him?

About three-quarters of the way through the list, I heard the name of a dear friend, mentor, and fellow funeral choir member. She and her late husband had coordinated our county-wide nursing home citizen-visitor ministry throughout their long retirement years. I had been a part of that ministry.

I watched Janet’s four children — none of whom I had ever met — come up to receive their candle, and bow. I could feel them doing their own discernment.

When they came over, to place Janet’s candle next to Charles, I could almost hear her saying, “Don’t worry, Margaret. I’ll look after him myself.”

***

Wherever any of you may be in your own grief journeys, no matter who you might be mourning this November, please know that I am

praying for you.

I ask your continuing prayers for me, too.

This will be my last CWG column for a while. I need a brief sabbatical; to continue dealing with the massive changes I’ve experienced

over the past fourteen months, and to discern where my own ‘new normal’ life will lead.

May the compassion of Our Lord’s most Sacred Heart, the love of Mary’s Immaculate Heart, and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit remain with you, as well.

Blessings, always,

Margaret

 

 

 

 

© Copyright 2025  by Margaret King Zacharias

All photos from author’s personal collection; used with permission by the author

Featured photo: Candles lit for Mass of Remembrance, St. Theresa of the Child Jesus Parish, Des Moines, Iowa, on
October 25, 2025. Author’s personal photo, published with permission.