God Speaks to the Self We don’t yet Know

Who are you?

What is your true identity, and your role in God’s great design?

To start with, you are not who you think you are, at least, you are not only who you think you are.

It is difficult enough to learn to see yourself as other people see you. Others see so many things that we do not see about ourselves, and how much better off would we be if we could know how we are seen by other people?

But can you learn to see yourself as God sees you?

Only quite partially, now, on earth. That awareness will come fully when you meet God face to face for your particular judgment. It won’t happen on a certain day, because you will have slipped beyond time and this life when you arrive at your judgment before God

Some who are skeptical about God might say, “Oh, you don’t really know if there is a life after death. You might not face God for judgment, because there might just be nothing.”

But they partially know that isn’t true. They might notice that the judgment of each of us is already underway – within us. They might know (perhaps subconsciously), because there is something dwelling within each of us that we refer to by the word conscience.

Our conscience speaks to us

There is something inside of us that we did not create or design, and that we can partially ignore, yet, willing or not, it will trouble each one of us. Conscience will speak to us – most strongly when not bidden. It points beyond our subjective understanding and our personal values or judgments, and it speaks objectively to us about who we actually are, when seen in the full light.

God speaks to who we are, not who we think we are, or wish others might think of us. Our inaccurate image of self is usually a catalog of illusions we’d like the world to believe about us. When God speaks to us, He is not simply addressing our inadequate and incomplete image of ourselves. He is speaking to the fullness of our self, to that which may be outside of our conscious awareness yet is essential to our complete being.

God changes us by His communications to us

When God first called young Samuel in the temple (1 Samuel 3:1-10), awakening him from his sleep, or when God spoke to Joseph in his dreams (Matthew 1:20-21), His first direct approach came from beyond the conscious limits of their sense of who or what they were. His messages informed them of who they were called to be.

When God (Jesus) first spoke face to face in this world to Simon (John 1:42), He referred to who Simon knew himself to be – his name and his parentage – but then God pointed to his greater self, to the self who was known to God – Peter, the rock. God changes us by His communications to us. He points us towards the fullness of who He made us to be, and to the purpose of our part in His greater plan.

God knows us in ways we cannot understand or imagine. He seeks now to address us in ways that are, to us, both conscious and unconscious. We might experience His speaking to us in ways deeper than our conscious understanding without our recognizing it. For example, through piercingly pertinent scripture passages, or one might notice patterns in nighttime dreams, or in the events of one’s life, or prompts that come in subtle ways and surprise us. We might reflect on the persons and situations in our past or present, and come to recognize ways God has been at work.

His message, though, might be misperceived, such as when we feel frustrated by an annoying obstacle to a path or goal we pursue, one which He knows is not right for us. Yet His communications can also be most intimate, direct, and personal.

But there’s more that He already does communicate, and that He wants to communicate to us. There’s always more, because He is always More.

God is always actively engaging and communicating Himself to us, and ourselves to us, as well.

He is guiding us towards the fullness of our true self, so we might meet the fullness of Him, and join in His eternal joy.

A Move Yet Still Home

Last spring, I moved with my family to Kansas, which is my ninth lifetime state (I also studied abroad and lived in London for four months, so if you count that, I’m in the double digits). Only recently did I begin to appreciate the blessing that being Catholic truly is.

Like most cradle Catholics, I’ve always had God in my life. Growing up, weekly Mass and CCD were omnipresent. As we’ve grown our own family, those same traditions have persisted. Regardless which state or city we moved to, a Catholic parish and the True Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist was always available.

Prior to this move, we lived in Florida, and our parish there was something special. Not only were we close enough to walk or bike ride to Mass, but that parish felt alive in a special way. The list of ministries was lengthy, and there were always events or service projects we could be a part of. I volunteered with faith formation, participated in the moms’ ministry, Walking with Purpose, and Bible study. There were monthly socials after a daily Mass, quarterly family events after the Youth and Family Mass (where kids served as ushers and lectors), and no shortage of friendly conversations in the parking lot. To say we loved this family-friendly parish would be an understatement.

When the news came that we were moving to Kansas for my husband’s new job, my heart sank knowing we had to leave our parish. It really had become a second home for us. I knew we wouldn’t find a parish like that in Kansas. I had lived in seven other states in my life, and that parish is unique.

My husband and I traveled to Kansas for a weekend to get to know the area and do some house hunting, and we visited the local Catholic Church for Sunday Mass. My heart was hardened before I walked into the sanctuary. I simply knew it wouldn’t be as good as our old parish.

I looked around and proceeded to judge everything. The tabernacle wasn’t prominent enough. The crucifix was too small. The choir performed instead of inviting us to participate. The priest was old and unenthusiastic. Everything I saw I disliked, and I wanted to be back in Florida.

Then the homily began. I don’t remember the readings for that Sunday, nor do I remember the beginning of the homily. What I do know is that God spoke directly to me that day through his faithful servant’s words.

He reminded us that we don’t come to Mass every week because of the priest or the social time. We come because Jesus meets us here, body, blood, soul, and divinity in the Eucharist. No matter which church we are in, he comes to us there.

Bam. My hardened heart softened. I was struck, and instantly humbled at my own arrogance and pride. Tears flowed down my face as I really let Jesus into my heart. Jesus reminded me that I’m there for him. Not the priest, not the building, and not the socialization. It doesn’t matter which parish I belong to, because Jesus is there for me, and I come to meet him. That’s all that matters.

I looked back on all the states and all the parishes and finally fully appreciated the gift I have in the Catholic Church. While I do still miss my old friends and the community of the parish in Florida, my heart remains grateful for his presence that I’m able to receive, regardless of where I live.

Maria Riley 2023