Let me begin by mentioning a writer’s three first cousins, metaphor, simile and personification (oops–I guess I  just personified them). Okay–Mr. Metaphor is a comparison of two dissimilar objects or actions that have something in common. Better yet, it is a comparison of two separate things as if they were alike (Uh-oh–is that crossing into simile territory?). Wait a minute–if I say, “My car’s engine sounds like my cranky neighbor”— is that a simile or a  personification or both? Maybe it is a metaphor also?

I don’t know about you guys but this stuff can drive me crazy. That’s why I really don’t care. When I write I use metaphors, similes and personifications all the time without ever thinking about them. If someone would ask me to define a metaphor I would probably go blank because I would immediately start thinking about the cousins; simile and personification. Not being able to separate them from each other I would wish I were like a turtle so I could easily stuff my head inside myself (is that a simile?). 


What about lay and lie? Oh sure, that’s easy. Lay is a transitive verb and always takes a direct object. Lie is an intransitive verb and NEVER takes a direct object. What does that mean? I know, I know, use the “what rule”. But wait!—The fact is, some verbs can be transitive and intransitive. You know what, I OBJECT!

Of course there are indicative moods and imperative moods and superlative adverbs and I could go on and on and when I get to compound additive subjects and superlative verbs I need a reality check so I turn on the TV to get back to the “real” world of English grammar and flick on the Sopranos. Fuhgedaboutit.


Here’s the thing. I was taught English grammar and usage by the Ursuline Nuns and the Marist Brothers. I hated it. But I loved composition and creative writing, anything that required just writing stuff without having to define or diagram (remember that?) every sentence. When I did that I had to know grammar and usage. And,  I guess I did. Somehow, someway, I had been taught and never realized it was happening. I don’t know how they did it but all I can say is–GOD BLESS EM.