We are blessed to live in the United States, a country that boasts “the pursuit of happiness” as an unalienable right. It doesn’t, however, guarantee that we will be happy or that anyone has to be forced to make us happy. It just decrees that we have the right to pursue being happy. None of us is given a path to happiness, a guarantee of some sort that we will be happy. That is up to each of us. And the only way to be happy is to pursue a life of happiness, not from others, but from the things that we do every day.  

Unfortunately, many people are searching for happiness in ways that leave them feeling empty, unfulfilled, sad, and sometimes lonely. I truly believe this is because we aren’t looking for happiness in the right places and often don’t understand what happiness actually is. The Catechism tells us that God placed the desire for happiness in our hearts to draw us to Himself (CCC 1718). As I wrote in the mid-term essay I just turned in, Aquinas said that happiness is attained in the universal end, which perfects our nature as God’s creatures, and that the universal end is God Himself. Happiness is what we seek when what we really are searching for is God. 

 

In my own observations of the people and situations around me as well as my own day-to-day choices, here is where I think we go wrong in our quest for happiness:

 

7. Allowing others to dictate your mood

 

Nobody can make you unhappy but you. I tell my children this all the time.  Others can criticize you, put you down, try to take away your self-esteem, or diminish your accomplishments, but at the end of the day, you are the one who lives with your choices, your beliefs, and the person you are or are becoming.  Don’t let others take away your joy. Only you can take the reins and make your life be what you want it to be.

 

After his first audition, Sidney Poitier was told by the casting director, “Why don’t you stop wasting people’s time and go out and become a dishwasher or something?”*

 

He went on to win an Academy Award for Best Actor for his role in Lilies of the Field.

 

6. Letting failure get the best of you

 

You’re never going to be perfect. That role belongs to only one being, and He doesn’t expect you to be perfect; but He does expect you to try to be. So what if you failed at something? Are you going to let that be the end of life as you know it? Stick that chin out, roll up your sleeves, and try again.

 

Thomas Edison failed many times as an inventor. When asked how it felt, Edison replied, “Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results! I know several thousand things that won’t work!”**

 

5. Not appreciating what you have

 

Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have food on your table, clothes on your back, shoes on your feet? Then what are you complaining about? There are many people in the world who are far worse off than we are, yet they find happiness. How? By appreciating what they have and not what they lack. We aren’t supposed to get everything we desire in life, or there would be nothing to strive for, hope for, or look forward to. Let’s try to enjoy what we have without complaining about what we don’t. I plan to make this month, with several days to remind me to be thankful, a turning point in my discovery of gratitude. Want to join me?

 

“In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

 

4. Not allowing yourself to catch the joy of others

 

Embrace other people’s happiness. So you’re not having a good day or a good experience.  Is that any reason to bring others down or to not try to lift yourself up? Share in the joy of others. Allow their joy, their inner peace, to enter your life. Someday you will regret the time you spent alone nursing your wounds and making yourself unhappy, but you will never regret the time you spent enjoying life with friends and family and seeking joy.

 

“We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try.”  Roger Ebert***

 

3. Letting worries win

 

I am willing to bet money that the happiest people you know are the ones who worry the least. They know life has a way of working things out. Personally, I believe God will do my worrying for me. Remember the saying, “Let go and let God.” Whether you believe in a divine presence or not, you will be a happier person if you stop dwelling on worries. Some things in life are out of our control. Don’t try to control them. They will only end up controlling you.

 

“There is no cross, big or small, in our life which the Lord does not share with us.”  Pope Francis****

 

2. Ignoring the Golden Rule

 

To enjoy true happiness, you must create happiness and share it with others. Smile, and others will smile back. Hold the door for someone, and they will hold it for someone else.  Speak kindly to those around you, and they will speak kindly in return. No further explanation is needed. 

 

“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”  (Luke 6:31)

 

“Love your neighbor as yourself.”  (Matthew 22:39)

 

“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change… We need not wait to see what others do.” Mahatma Gandhi*****

 

1. Not allowing God into every area of your life

 

This is about more than letting go and letting God, and it’s even greater than the Golden Rule. The only way to achieve true happiness—what some might call true joy—is to allow God into every aspect of your life. Not just when (if) you go to church. Not just when (if) you say daily prayers. Not just when (if) you want or need something. Allowing God to enter fully into your life means conversing with Him before anyone else in the morning and after everyone else at night. It includes asking for guidance before saying yes or no to anything. It requires seeing the face of God in all persons, even those you don’t care for and those who have hurt you. It means putting Him first every moment of every day, listening for His whisper in the midst of the storm, and allowing the Holy Spirit to guide your choices. 

 

According to theology scholar Jeff Cavins, if you have a list of daily priorities, you’re already on the wrong track. God should be the only priority. If He is, everything else will fall into place. (Author summary of his SEEK talk,Ohio,2026)

 

“Abandon yourself utterly for the love of God, and in this way you will become truly happy.”  St. Henry Suso+

 

“The more you abandon to God the care of all temporal things, the more He will take care to provide for all your wants; but if, on the contrary, you try to supply all your own needs, Providence will allow you to continue to do just that, and then it may very well happen that even necessities will be lacking, God thus reproving you for your lack of faith and reliance on him.” – St. Jean-Baptiste de La Salle++

 

“Entrust yourself entirely to God. He is a Father and a most loving Father at that, who would rather let heaven and earth collapse than abandon anyone who trusted in him.” – St. Paul of the Cross+++

 

 

November is the month when we express our thanks for all we have, but this year, I want to think of it as something more. I believe November should be the month when we slow down and really assess our lives. With Christmas around the corner, so many are already thinking about gifts, decorating, parties, and food. All the truly important things can be lost in the shuffle: family, friends, and most importantly, God. My plan throughout this month is to focus on slowing down, appreciating what I have, and heading into Advent filled with gratitude and happiness. 

 

What if we all went into Advent having spent November striving for happiness, with the end goal of celebrating the best-ever, joy-filled, God-focused Christmas?

 

 

* Poitier, Sidney. This Life. Alfred A. Knopf, 1980, pp. 52–54.

** Dyer, Frank Lewis, and Thomas Commerford Martin. Edison: His Life and Inventions. Vol. 2, Harper & Brothers, 1910, p. 611.

***Ebert, Roger. Life Itself: A Memoir. Grand Central Publishing, 2011, p. 415.

****Francis. “Way of the Cross with the Young People: Address of the Holy Father.” The Holy See, 26 July 2013, Copacabana Waterfront, Rio de Janeiro

*****Gandhi, Mahatma. “General Knowledge About Health [XIV]: Cleanliness.” Indian Opinion, 13 Sept. 1913.

+Suso, Henry. Henry Suso: The Exemplar, with Two German Sermons. Translated by Frank Tobin, Paulist Press, 1989.

++La Salle, John Baptist de. Meditations by John Baptist de La Salle. Translated by Richard Arnandez and Augustine Loes, edited by Augustine Loes and Francis Huether, Lasallian Publications, 1994.

+++Paul of the Cross, Saint. The Letters of Saint Paul of the Cross. Passionist Sources, 1978.

 

© 2026 Amy Schisler

Image: by Amy Schisler

Edited by: PV Babadi