Becoming Peter

“Master, then not only my feet, but my hands and head as well.” (John 13:9)

Over the course of Lent this year, I traveled around the county leading a retreat titled Surrender: Living Without Fear. It was about learning to let go and let God. I encouraged the women, through prayer and the sacraments, to do God’s will and trust Him, His Word, His authority, and His Divine guidance. It’s not an easy thing to do. Just look at the man who would become our first pope. He struggled with this more than anyone.

“God forbid, Lord!”

Back at Caesarea Philippi, just after Jesus declares Peter to be the rock on which He will build His Church, Peter displays his lack of understanding and refusal to follow God’s will. Jesus tries to get his disciples to understand that He must go to Jerusalem where He will suffer and be killed. Peter declares, “God forbid, Lord! No such thing shall ever happen to you” (Matthew 16:22).

How often do we do the same? How often do we look at God’s plan for our lives and declare, God forbid, I’m not doing that? We choose our own method and our own path, often leading to destruction of our souls.

“You shall never…”

In today’s Gospel for Holy Thursday, Peter rebukes Jesus when it comes time for his feet to be washed:

“’You shall never wash my feet.’ Jesus answered him, ‘Unless I wash you, you will have no inheritance with me.’ Simon Peter said to him, ‘Master, then not only my feet, but my hands and head as well.’” (John 13:8-9)

Once again, Peter believes he knows better than the Lord. Even when Jesus tries to tell Peter that he will understand in time why Jesus is doing this, what He is teaching them, Peter balks. Note here that Peter is referred to as Simon Peter in this exchange. He is still becoming the rock Jesus knows he will be.

How often do we balk when we don’t understand the Lord’s plan? So often, we think we know better than God, we know what’s right for us. We don’t always see the lesson He wants to teach us or the reason we must do what is asked of us. We fall back into our old habits, our old selves, forgetting to trust.

“I will not.”

St. Matthew tells us that Jesus predicted all his disciples would fall away once he was arrested, but

“Peter said to him in reply, ‘Though all may have their faith in you shaken, mine will never be. Jesus said to him, ‘Amen, I say to you, this very night before the cock crows, you will deny me three times.’ Peter said to him, “Even though I should have to die with you, I will not deny you.’” (Matthew 26:33-35)

Peter always had to have the last word. He knew what was best. He knew what Jesus should and should not do, and he knew what he would or would not do. He gave no thought to what the Lord was trying to tell him but relied on his own understanding and desires.

How often do we rely on our own understanding or desires? Even when others try to tell us the error of our ways or what God wants us to do, we choose to plow ahead, forsake the consequences, and proceed with pride instead of the humility it takes to follow God’s plan for us.

“You know that I love you.”

Despite all this, Jesus still had faith in Peter. He knew the man Peter would become even when Peter still had doubts. After the Resurrection, Jesus appears on the Sea of Galilee and invites the Apostles to sit down to eat with Him. He asks Peter — referred to throughout this passage as Simon Peter once again — three times if Peter loves Him. Our modern translation loses so much of the importance of this conversation. Jesus asks “Simon” twice if he loves Him with agape love, the kind of love willing to lay down his life for Jesus. Both times, Peter responds that he loves Jesus with philia, brotherly love. The third time, Jesus asks if “Simon” loves Him with brotherly love, and Peter responds, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you” (John 21:19). Then Jesus proceeds to tell Peter that one day, he will lay down his life for Jesus, displaying agape love. Simon would become Peter, the man capable of laying down his life for Jesus.

Like Peter, Jesus knows we often aren’t ready for whatever He’s asking of us. He knows that our journey of faith is a long one. When we disagree, balk, or deny, He doesn’t stop loving us. He knows that we are imperfect and can see only what is right before us. But He also knows that we can and will grow in our faith and understanding if we continue to follow Him.

Pray every day that you learn to trust in the Lord, to surrender your cares, worries, and your very life to Him. Know that He is waiting with open arms even when we think our choices are better than His. All of us, no matter our age, are still growing, still learning, still seeking the path God has laid out for us. We are all, at this time and still becoming, Peter.